The argument that women are better equipped than men for parenthood is no longer valid.

Sixty years ago, it was not uncommon for a woman to have ten children or more, and young girls were more likely to be involved in looking after them. Nowadays, most mothers have never seen a newborn until they give birth.

If a woman does have more experience in looking after a baby than her partner, it is important that she not mock his efforts, since he may respond by withdrawing his help altogether. When this happens, the role of each parent becomes polarized, increasing pressure on the mother and isolating the father from the family unit.

There are some general rules that apply to all rooms of the house. These include avoiding having trailing electrical cords, loose carpets, and flammable items of furniture. Choose furniture that is child friendly; for example – avoid tables with sharp corners. Keep all electric outlets covered and all windows fitted with window locks and / or guards. Teach your child from an early age that hot things such as fireplaces, open flames, and ovens are dangerous and that she should never go near them, but maintain safety precautions until your child is at least three years old.

When your child visits other people’s homes, scan the room for potential dangers. If you are in a house where there are no children, carry out a quick check for breakable items, heavy ornaments that can be pulled off surfaces, open, low-level windows, and sharp objects.

KITCHEN

• Install a guard on the stove and always point saucepan handles toward the back of the stove.
• Keep matches out of your child’s reach and install a smoke alarm.
• Remove stove knobs if they are on the stove front.
• Set the hot water thermostat to a maximum of 130˚F (54˚C) – at this temperature, it will take half a minute for serious scalding to occur.
• Keep plastic bags out of reach.
• Store sharp knives in a locked drawer.
• Don’t use tablecloths. Your toddler can pull them and everything on the table on to her head.
• Don’t leave hot pans or mugs containing hot drinks around.
•  If you spill fat or liquid on the floor, mop it up immediately.
• Turn your washing machine and dishwasher off at the circuit breaker or fuse box.
• Store glasses and breakable dishes out of reach.  
• If you are not using the iron, put both the iron and the ironing board away.
• Keep bowls of pet food out of reach to avoid bacterial infection.
• Never leave your child unattended while he is eating – he could choke.

HALL AND STAIRS

• Install safety gates at top and bottom of the stairs.
• Don’t leave objects lying on the stairs.
• The stairway should be protected on both sides by walls or banisters.
• The gaps between the banisters should not be more than 4 inches (10 centimeters) wide so your child can’t get an arm or a leg caught in them.
• Stair carpets should fit the stairs exactly so that your child can’t trip on them.
• Mend any loose carpet on the stairs without delay.
• Make sure that it is impossible for your child to get out of the front door and run into the street.

BATHROOM

• Store medicines in a locked cabinet or on a high shelf and throw away unused or old medicines.
• Keep disinfectants and bleach locked away and in their original containers, preferably with child-resistant tops, and make sure they are always out of reach while you are using them.
• Never leave a child alone with a filled bath.
• When preparing your child’s bath, always add hot water to cold, never the other way round.
• Use nonslip mats in the bathtub.
• Keep the toilet lid closed.
• Keep razors (electric and blade) well out of reach.

BEDROOM

• Crib toys should not have strings that are longer than 1 foot (30 centimeters).
• Never leave your baby with the crib side down.
• Never leave your baby alone on the changing table, even for a second.
• Put window locks and / or guards on windows.
• Avoid lights with trailing cords.
• Crib bars should not be spaced more than 2 ½ inches (6 centimeters) apart, as your child could get part of her body stuck between them.
• Don’t use a pillow in your baby’s crib until she’s one year old.
• Choose furniture with rounded corners.
• Don’t leave gas or electric heaters on fans on when your child is by herself.

LIVING ROOM

• When your replace the glass in patio doors, choose laminated glass or tempered glass.
• Install a fire screen in front of all fireplaces and make sure it’s securely fitted to the wall. Don’t put cups, mugs, or ashtrays near the fireplace.
• Use outlet covers on all unused sockets so your child can’t poke objects into them.
• Avoid trailing cords from lights, TV, stereo, and video equipment.
• Avoid poisonous houseplants.
• Don’t leave any alcohol, cigarettes, matches, or lighters lying around.
• Keep fragile, breakable items out of reach.
• Don’t place hot or heavy objects on low tables.
• Attach all shelving security to the wall.

PLAY AREAS

• Keep older children’s toys separate from younger children’s toys. Toys with small parts, modeling kits, and chemistry sets can especially dangerous to babies and toddlers.
• Store toys safety in a box and don’t leave them lying around on the floor.
• Throw broken toys away.
• A playpen is a good way of keeping a young child out of potential danger. Make sure that it is at least 2 feet (60 centimeters) deep.

Store toys and games at floor level or somewhere within your child’s reach so he doesn’t have to stretch or climb to get them.

There are some special considerations if you are trying to feed twin babies and, whereas I would always advocate breastfeeding, you may want to consider the pros and cons set out in the chart below.

BREAST

• You can feed both at once
• You need to devote time to eating and resting to produce enough milk
• Difficult to feed two babies discreetly in public
• Physically tiring, but you can express and let someone else feed
• Eating well may cost a little more than your normal diet
• Requires planning if you want to wean babies from the breast to bottle to go back to work

BOTTLE

• Difficult to feed both babies simultaneously unless they are propped up on chairs
• Being tired and busy does not affect supply
• Babies can be fed anywhere and by anyone
• Tiring, but others can help
• Cost of formula for two babies can add up
• No physical adjustment is needed for you or babies if you are going back to work

When you come to establishing daily routines, there are several ways in which you can try to get your twins to eat and sleep at similar times, tough initially one may wake up early and want feeding and the other may simply sleep on. You could feed the baby who wakes first while waiting for the second, then reverse them; or feed both at once and spend time talking or playing afterward.

SHOULD THEY SLEEP TOGETHER?: Twins are sometimes put in the same incubator after the birth, with the idea that they have been since conception and would miss one another if apart. You could try putting your twins together in the same crib to help them settle and sleep. Some twins do seem to sleep better this way – perhaps they derive security from each other’s presence – but others simply kick and keep each other awake. Twins can usually be left to sleep in the same room together or side by side in cribs or bassinets. They rarely wake or disturb one another; it seems as if they are immune to each other’s crying. For twins who have been tightly pressed together before birth, swaddling may give them a greater sense of security.

DIAPER CHANGING

When twins are small they may seem fragile, and it may take longer to build up enough confidence to care for them efficiently and speedily. You do a very great deal of diaper changing with twins so you want to make the maximum use of disposable diapers. If you have a good supply of fabric diapers left over from an older child, it can make economic sense to stick with them, though you may decide that you do not want to add washing and drying to the task of changing two sets of diapers. With a diaper service, it’s just a matter of ordering a larger quantity each week. Your twins may fit into the newborn disposable size for some months. Some parents cut ordinary fabric diapers in two, using one half on each baby.

IMPORTANCE OF PLAY: Because of the demands on your time, your twins are likely to get less stimulation through play and physical contact than singletons. Loving interaction, however, is not a luxury – it’s essential to their physical, mental and social, and social development.

You could pick a set time for play every afternoon, or you could arrange the babies’ sleeping times so they are awake in the evening when both parents can play with them. If one twin is asleep, use this time to give your other baby complete attention. Even five minutes of intimate play will be of great value to him. If you have older children, you may have even less time to play with your babies, but your older children, you may have even less time to play with your babies, but your older children can take your place.

THE FATHER’S ROLE: Most fathers want to be closely concerned with the care of their babies and so will enjoy looking after either or both of them to give you a break.

A father can help with feeding, changing, bathing, playing, reading the twins bedtime stories, and taking them out. Many fathers assume responsibility for shopping, and sometimes for cooking and housework, too. He can take time off work if necessary for doctor’s appointments, checkups, visits to the dentist, and so on, and should be able to relieve you so you can catch up on sleep or have time to yourself.

Helping out: With the amount of work involved in looking after twins, your partner’s help will be indispensable.

New parents are often surprised at the amount of work involved in caring for a newborn, and this is clearly even more true for parents who have multiple births.

• Many parents of twins don’t realize how much help they will need, though mothers who have already had one baby tend to be more realistic about this. Don’t underestimate the task of caring for twins, and don’t for one minute imagine that asking for help reflects badly on your adequacy as parents
• Helpers can create extra work. This is particularly true of a friend or relative who moves in to “help” you and then expects you to cook for her every evening, so consider this carefully before accepting long-term help
• You may find that everyone wants to help with the babies and no one wants to do the housework. They’re your twins, and you must learn to mother them yourself, so don’t be afraid to be firm about what help you need

MULTIPLE BIRTHS: Twins are by far the most common multiple births. Identical (monozygotic) twins are formed by the splitting of a single fertilized egg: the two babies develop from one egg and one sperm, and share a placenta. Twins that develop from the fertilization of two eggs by two sperm and have a placenta each are called non-identical, fraternal, or dizygotic. Multiples of more than two can occur in any combination of identical and fraternal.

PREGNANCY AND BIRTH: Early rapid weight gain is a common sign of multiple pregnancy. The minor complains of pregnancy can become more uncomfortable, and there are a few clinical conditions that are relatively more common in multiple pregnancies, such as anemia or fluid retention. Make sure you eat well and get plenty of rest.

A twin birth follows the same course as the birth of a single baby except there’s a gap between the delivery of the first and second babies, which may be anything from a minute or so to a half an hour or more. The first stage is the same as for a single birth but, depending of the time lag between the two births you may have to go through pushing twice. Multiple births are more likely to be premature than single babies.

Many parents wish to dress twins alike, especially if they are identical, and this can look very appealing.

You should, however, think of your twins as individuals from the start. Being recognized for oneself and being called by one’s own name are powerful ways in which our sense of identity is established. If you dress your twins differently you can help ensure that they are treated as individuals. Relatives, friends, and teachers can get to know who wears what.

As your twins get older, I think it’s much better to let them decide for themselves what to wear, and if you’ve always dressed them differently they will probably continue to do so themselves.

BEING A TWIN: Twins have a close and intuitive understanding of each other and enjoy the companionship of a child of the same age. Having the support and approval of another person can be very reassuring as they grow and encounter new experiences.

PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT: If twins are premature, their growth and development will lag somewhat behind full-term babies. Don’t make the mistake of expecting them to do too much too soon and, whatever you do, don’t compare them to other babies of the same age.

There’s no way of knowing how much more slowly your babies will develop, but if, for instance, they are five weeks premature, you can probably expect them to focus some weeks later than if they’d been full-term. They may sit up, walk, and talk as much as three months late depending on how prematurely they were born, but they will still reach milestones in the same order as other babies. Don’t worry that your babies will never catch up. A large study of twins caught up in height by four years and weight by eight.

Other factors affect the rate at which children develop. If your twins are identical, they’ll probably grow to much the same weight and height; if they are nonidentical, and especially if they are boy and girl twins, one of them may grow more quickly than the other.

TIPS FOR MOTHERS: Your partner will quickly start to feel he is neither wanted nor needed if you give all your attention to the baby.

• Always ask your partner for help – you can’t expect him to know how much you need it unless you tell him
• Involve him with the day-to-day care of the baby as early on and as much as possible
• Don’t refuse help when it’s offered – it’s his child, too
• Do your best, no matter how unsociable you feel, to give your partner some of your attention and your affection
• If, despite these efforts and ‘’talking it out,’’ he is proving to be a reluctant father and you are at the end of your tether, leave him a phone number, hand him the baby, and go out for the evening – he’ll soon realize what hard work it is!

Sharing feelings: Always make time to talk to your partner so you can avoid misunderstandings.

TIPS FOR FATHERS: Once your baby is born, you need to be sensitive to the needs of your partner and prepared for the physical and emotional difficulties she may experience after the pregnancy.

• Don’t leave the entire care of your child to your partner even if she doesn’t seem to mind:
• First there will be hidden resentment, and second, you will lose the chance to be a real father

• Spend at least some time alone with the baby; this will increase your own confidence and give your partner a break
• If you are working, talk to your employer about the new addition to your family.

Consider taking at least two weeks off work when the baby is born, and see if you can change some of your working hours

Of course, you can make things easier by never traveling in the rush hour or, with a young baby, carrying him around in a sling. For an older baby, a backpack makes you much more independent, and you can manage everything more easily with your hands free. Always prepare yourself well ahead of time. I simply would not leave home with my children without some distracting toys, a favorite book, and a favorite snack. All your belongings, including the stroller, should be gathered together prior to leaving and in good enough time so you can check them over to make sure you have not forgotten anything. The same goes for when you are getting off a bus or train; be ready to get off in plenty of time for your stop. Don’t hesitate to ask for help from fellow passengers.

You must become adept at collapsing and opening the stroller within a few seconds without any problems, so practice at home before your first outing. If you cannot fold up the stroller efficiently, you will find people jostling to get in front of you when you are in a line, which will only add to your frustration. At the very least, you should be able to open it with only one hand, kick it shut with your feet, and know how to operate the breaks- and don’t forget you will have to do all these things while holding your baby. Here are a few safety tips:

• When you open your stroller, always make sure it is in the fully extended position with the brakes fully locked.
• Never put your baby in the stroller without a safety harness.
• Never, ever leave your baby in a stroller unattended.
• Should your baby fall asleep in the stroller, adjust it to the lie-back position so he can sleep comfortably.
• Don’t put shopping bags on the handles of the stroller; they can tip the stroller and your baby may be injured.
• When you stop, always put on the brakes because you could inadvertently take your hands off the stroller and it could roll away.
• Check your stroller regularly to make sure the brakes and catches work well and the wheels are in good conditions.

Time spent planning your outing or travel schedule is never time wasted. The younger your baby, the more you will have to plan. In the first few months, your baby’s feeding schedule won’t necessarily be very predictable, so you’ll need at least one spare bottle if you are not breastfeeding and, of course, whatever changing equipment you normally use. Lightweight baby bags containing a portable changing mat are wildly available. Plan your route so that you know where you can stop, where you can change your baby, and where you can feed him without embarrassment or inconvenience. If you’re planning to stop, it is even worth calling up stores to find out if they have a mother-and-baby changing room and avoiding those that don’t.

With a very young baby, it’s simply not worth undertaking a very busy outing where you will have to walk a great deal, carry heavy loads, or make lots of changes of transport. Be easy on yourself. Try to take a friend or your partner with you if you can, so there is always an extra pair of hands and someone to help you should a problem come up. Your baby can go with you anywhere so long as you’re well enough prepared and have something in which to carry him- a sling, stroller, or car seat.

Children are extremely sensitive to atmospheres within the home, so if you and your partner are going through a bed time, behave caringly and affectionately in front of your child and show that you have concern of each other.

Witnessing an argument is one of the most harmful experiences you can inflict on your child, so that thought should act as a deterrent.

On the other hand, I don’t believe in a united front between parents on every question. Your child should understand that it’s all right for Mom and Dad to have different opinions, as long as they are expressed without acrimony.

Children have to get used to conflict because they are going to meet it very quickly when they leave home. The best place for them to become familiar with it is in the security of their own home.

Most children will blame themselves for any conflict between their parents and will go to great lengths to make you friend again. Reassure your child that she is not to blame for any anger you feel toward your partner, and that you love her regardless.