Of course, you can make things easier by never traveling in the rush hour or, with a young baby, carrying him around in a sling. For an older baby, a backpack makes you much more independent, and you can manage everything more easily with your hands free. Always prepare yourself well ahead of time. I simply would not leave home with my children without some distracting toys, a favorite book, and a favorite snack. All your belongings, including the stroller, should be gathered together prior to leaving and in good enough time so you can check them over to make sure you have not forgotten anything. The same goes for when you are getting off a bus or train; be ready to get off in plenty of time for your stop. Don’t hesitate to ask for help from fellow passengers.

You must become adept at collapsing and opening the stroller within a few seconds without any problems, so practice at home before your first outing. If you cannot fold up the stroller efficiently, you will find people jostling to get in front of you when you are in a line, which will only add to your frustration. At the very least, you should be able to open it with only one hand, kick it shut with your feet, and know how to operate the breaks- and don’t forget you will have to do all these things while holding your baby. Here are a few safety tips:

• When you open your stroller, always make sure it is in the fully extended position with the brakes fully locked.
• Never put your baby in the stroller without a safety harness.
• Never, ever leave your baby in a stroller unattended.
• Should your baby fall asleep in the stroller, adjust it to the lie-back position so he can sleep comfortably.
• Don’t put shopping bags on the handles of the stroller; they can tip the stroller and your baby may be injured.
• When you stop, always put on the brakes because you could inadvertently take your hands off the stroller and it could roll away.
• Check your stroller regularly to make sure the brakes and catches work well and the wheels are in good conditions.

Time spent planning your outing or travel schedule is never time wasted. The younger your baby, the more you will have to plan. In the first few months, your baby’s feeding schedule won’t necessarily be very predictable, so you’ll need at least one spare bottle if you are not breastfeeding and, of course, whatever changing equipment you normally use. Lightweight baby bags containing a portable changing mat are wildly available. Plan your route so that you know where you can stop, where you can change your baby, and where you can feed him without embarrassment or inconvenience. If you’re planning to stop, it is even worth calling up stores to find out if they have a mother-and-baby changing room and avoiding those that don’t.

With a very young baby, it’s simply not worth undertaking a very busy outing where you will have to walk a great deal, carry heavy loads, or make lots of changes of transport. Be easy on yourself. Try to take a friend or your partner with you if you can, so there is always an extra pair of hands and someone to help you should a problem come up. Your baby can go with you anywhere so long as you’re well enough prepared and have something in which to carry him- a sling, stroller, or car seat.

Children are extremely sensitive to atmospheres within the home, so if you and your partner are going through a bed time, behave caringly and affectionately in front of your child and show that you have concern of each other.

Witnessing an argument is one of the most harmful experiences you can inflict on your child, so that thought should act as a deterrent.

On the other hand, I don’t believe in a united front between parents on every question. Your child should understand that it’s all right for Mom and Dad to have different opinions, as long as they are expressed without acrimony.

Children have to get used to conflict because they are going to meet it very quickly when they leave home. The best place for them to become familiar with it is in the security of their own home.

Most children will blame themselves for any conflict between their parents and will go to great lengths to make you friend again. Reassure your child that she is not to blame for any anger you feel toward your partner, and that you love her regardless.

A child, who goes to nursery school without a backward glance, says good-bye to her mother, and gets straight into play at the sandbox is rather unusual. Most children harbor fears of a strange place with strange people and separation from you. You will need to give your child the time and the opportunity to adjust to this rather frightening change in her life.

You can do much to alley your child’s fears by familiarizing her with the journey to school, the entrance to the school, her classroom, some of the children who will be in her class, her teacher, where the games are, and what some of the routines are. Most teachers will welcome your taking your child to the school several times before she starts so that she can feel comfortable in her new surroundings. Make the first visit as casual as possible. Stay for only a few minutes, so your child does not get bored or frightened and don’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to.

Making separation easy The first morning is likely to be difficult for both of you. You may have to stay with your child for the whole morning, but this shouldn’t happen more than once. Don’t forget that it is a great transition for her, so be patient. Many nursery schools will welcome your staying to give your child confidence. Once your child realizes you are not going to leave, she will be happy to get on with her classroom routines as long as you seat somewhere quietly and discreetly.

Maybe during the first morning, but certainly on the second, suggest that you are going out to buy a newspaper, but come back within five minutes, so your child is reassured. Don’t go if your child gets very distressed at the prospect of your leaving. Once she is happy, suggest that you leave again, this time for about half an hour, and come back in exactly the time you promised. Over the next few days, leave for longer and longer periods according to how your child reacts. You’ll find that in a short time you won’t need to stay at all. A confident child may want to be self-reliant and suggest that you leave long before you think she is capable of being separated from you. Sometimes a teacher will advise you when it’s time to go.

Starting nursery school Once your child is engrossed in some activity she may hardly even notice when you leave.

Often a child cannot explain her dreams and has difficulty in going back to sleep. Animals, especially wolves and bears, may chaise your child during a nightmare, or she may dream of strange, bad, or odd-looking people, fires, and deep water. If your child wakes up, try to console her and take her in your arms.

Night terrors Sometimes you will find your child in bed, terrified, and possibly thrashing and screaming. She may be angry or very upset. She may seem awake, but you’ll be unable to get response from her. This is a night terror rather than a nightmare, and can be very alarming. If she remains asleep, don’t try to wake her; simply stay by her. If you find that she is sleepwalking periodically, put a gate across the stairs to prevent falls. You will feel quite anguished at your child’s fear and pain, but all you can do is stay close and wait for the terror to pass. There is no point in trying to reassure your child specifically, because she is beyond reason. Don’t leave her or scold her; that would simply make the terror worse.

Crying is now of shorter duration, and your child may be able to control it and hold her tears back. She is rarely moody and may be perfectly okay as soon as the crying is over. She may whine occasionally, though a lot less than she did at four years. This phase may pass, however, and give way to temper tantrums with loud angry crying and banging around. There may be a return of moodiness, whining, and expressions of resentment, but you can often get your child to laugh when she’s crying by joking with her. Your child may become astonishingly brave about real injures yet still cry at small hurts.

She will be easily frightened by sounds, for example, especially loud sounds outside, such as a fire engine. She may fear people of a different culture or appearance from herself, old people, “bogey men,” the dark, animals, and your leaving her- especially at night. Children of this age may enjoy being middle frightened by an adult in play, so long as it’s clearly pretend.

By five years of age, your child will probably have more concrete, down-to-earth fears, like bodily harm, falling dogs, sounds, thunder, lightning, rain storms (especially at night), and that a parent will not return home or be at home when she gets there.

Just as dislike of certain foods is suggested by chance remarks made by adults, fear if animals, cars, and thunder are suggested in a similar way. Gruesome tales and stories about ghosts, devils, and such may terrify a small child and lead to serious sleep disturbance. For this reason, you should choose bedtime stories carefully. Don’t let your child watch scary television programs just before bedtime and never deliberately frighten her with stores if “bogey men” to make her behave.

Overtiredness A child of this age very often becomes overexcited and overtired toward bedtime. He will try to put off his bedtime as long as possible and simply become more distressed. Your child might become so fragile that any small discomfort or frustration will make him cry inconsolably.

If you are expecting your child to have a late evening, or a special treat such as a party or a school play, make sure he has a nap during the day so that his energy will last. If he does become overexcited and overtired, it is especially important that you remain calm and quiet. Talk to him softly, give him lots of hugs, be infinitely patient, ad take him gently to his bedroom. Sing him a song or read a story until he has become calm and quieted down.

Again, a very good way to reassure your child is to go step by step through what is going to happen when you leave him. The more details you can give, and the more you can confirm the details, the better. What you might say is, “When Daddy comes home from work, we are both going to get ready to go visit Aunt Sarah. I will have a bath, Daddy will shave, and we’ll change our clothes. Then we’ll put you to bed and we’ll have our usual song, story, and game. Then Mommy will lie on your bed and cuddle you while we talk about your day and what you are going to do tomorrow. Mommy won’t leave you until you are fast asleep, and the next thing you will know is that it is morning and Mommy will be there.”