With any luck your child won’t be averse to warmth and affection even after she’s reached adulthood, but cuddles do change and get more grown-up, and you have to give the kind of affection your child needs rather than the kind you want to give. So adapt your style to what gives her most comfort.

Preschool children need lots of hugs every day, especially congratulatory ones, as when they’ve mastered something like getting their shoes on the right feet. Comfort hugs are essential at the first sign of tears. A child responds much better to a hug than a reprimand. Therapeutic hugs reduce the pain of a vaccination, a bump, or a cut in seconds. Never let your child go to sleep without a huge hug and an “I love you.”

As your child gets older, hugs are transformed into other actions, but they have the same bolstering, encouraging effect. A hand on the shoulder, a caress, or talking your child’s hand is a sign of love and her sense of security and confidence will soar. Your child craves your love and approval; never leave her in any doubt that she has both.

Giving comfort

Many of your child’s troubles can be solved with a hug and a few sympathetic words from you.