There will be many occasions when you’ll take your child out to eat. Being preparing will make the experience more enjoyable.

• Try to find out beforehand what facilities will be available at the restaurant you choose: if you are booking a table, mention that you will be bringing small children, and find out whether there will be room for your child’s stroller, and whether a high chair can be provided if you need one
• Many children’s menus are very limited and offer just hamburgers, hot dogs, or fish sticks – all with fries. If you really don’t want your child to have these foods, ask whether you can order a small portion of  a suitable dish from the main menu, and whether you will be changed full price for it
• Most children will enjoy the experience of eating out, and you should involve your child fully, allowing him to choose his own meal and to give his own order to the waiter if he is not too shy
• Bring along your child’s booster seat if he normally uses one. If you think he will have difficulty drinking from a glass, you could also bring along his training cup
• Many restaurants positively encourage children, and will be happy to provide straws for drinks, bibs and high chairs for young babies, and even small gifts such as paper hats or pictures to color in

Every parent knows that there are times when it is important either to reward good behavior or to offer a bribe in return for some form of cooperation.

Candy might seem like the most suitable reward, as it is always appreciated by children. However, you may feel that to give candy routinely as a reward undermines the consistency of your approach to candy-eating in general. There is no hard and fast rule on this, and there is no reason why you shouldn’t occasionally reward your child with candy as long as you make it clear that it is a onetime gift.

It’s worth making an effort, though, to devise other forms of reward: a favorite yogurt flavor, a small toy or a new box of crayons, or a specially extended bath time or bedtime story.

I don’t believe in placing a total ban on candy, because this can encourage children to be obsessive.

I do believe in rationing candy, though, and this always worked with my own children. If you let your child have one piece of candy after lunch and one after supper, and encourage him to brush his teeth afterward, you will be encouraging self-control, good eating habits, and good oral hygiene.

Try not to resort to fast food restaurants too often when you are out with your child and want to stop for something to eat. Most of the foods available in these restaurants – french fries, hamburgers, hot dogs, and sugary soft drinks – are high in salt, fats, or sugar, and low in nutrients. If you can, bring a supply of healthy snack foods with you, or choose somewhere that offers more healthy foods, such as sandwiches and salads. If your child particularly asks for hamburgers and fries, however, you may want to indulge him now and again – but make it clear that such foods are a special treat, to be eaten only occasionally. My family used to eat at a hamburger restaurant once a week for Saturday lunch. This satisfied everyone and is not so frequent as to damage good health.

If your child goes to playgroup, nursery school, or “real” school, try to make sure he has a good breakfast before he goes. If he doesn’t, he will become hungry again long before lunchtime, and both his temper and his concentration will be affected. A healthy midmorning snack like a piece of fruit or a cup of cereal will help tide him over until lunchtime. If food is going to be provided for him, try to find out what will be offered; if you are not satisfied, or if there are no arrangements to feed your child, then provide him with a nutritious packed lunch instead. Lunch need not always be sandwiches; you could give chicken pieces and potato salad, pieces of raw vegetables with a yogurt dip, or other foods that your child can eat with his fingers.

Children are often encouraged to try new foods because they see their friends eat them, and you may find once your child starts at playgroup or school that he starts to eat foods that he previously rejected at home.

It is important to prevent family meals from becoming a battlefield for more generalized family conflict. The association between food and love can be very close, and arguments about food and eating can be associated with tensions over other issues. In such cases food and eating behavior – for example, refusal to eat – can become a weapon that the child uses either to gain attention or to express anger, distress, and many other emotions. It is best, therefore, to be fairly easygoing about table etiquette with your child, to make mealtimes as relaxed as possible, and not to be drawn into arguments. Insist only on those aspects of table manners that you consider essential; refinements can come later.

For many families, mealtimes are about much more than making sure everyone is fed; they are social occasions when all the members of the family sit down together, exchange news, and enjoy one another’s company. For a small child these times form an important part of his learning process; he can appreciate this social aspect of mealtimes and will learn most of his behavior at the table from his experience of family eating rather than from any number of lectures at a later age. Every family has its own accepted standards of behavior and I am not going to lay down rules about what these should be. What is important, however, is that your child learns to fit in so that the family can enjoy their mealtimes together without repeated disruptions caused by bad manners and arguments about behavior.

As soon as your child first sat in his high chair at the family dining table, he was watching and learning. He will want at least to try the foods that you are eating and will often join in the conversation. Try to include your child in family meals as often as possible. Encourage him when he attempts to follow your (good) example. Give praise, for instance, when he asks for something to be passed to him instead of attempting to grab it from the other side of the table. Children learn most naturally and easily by example and will rapidly pick up the norms of behavior that the rest of the family observe. If yours is a family where everyone leaves the table when it suits them, for example, rather than waiting for the others to finish eating, it will be hard to persuade your child to sit still and wait.

There will be occasions when you want your child to behave especially well at mealtimes – usually because you are having visitors. Allow him to join in the excitement of a special meal by letting him help set the table, perhaps. If he understands that some occasions demand an extra effort, he will find it easier to understand why you want him to be particularly well behaved and will therefore react better to your wishes.

Your preschooler will eat almost the same diet as you, and his dietary needs should be seen in the context of the eating habits of the whole family: you may even have taken the opportunity to improve your own diet as a result of considering the needs of your child. At this stage you will probably be concerned less about making sure your child is getting the right foods in the right amounts, and more about whether he is learning adult behavior and manners at mealtimes. This is a good time to teach him table manners that will last into adulthood.

Loss of appetite is often one of the first signs of illness in a child, but this need not be a cause for concern if the illness is brief.

• Your child must drink plenty of fluids, especially if she has been vomiting or had diarrhea
• There is no need for a special invalid diet, though it is sensible to avoid rich or heavy foods if your child has an upset stomach
• Offer some of her favorite foods to cheer her up, and give smaller portions than usual. Because your child is resting, she will probably not want much.

Giving drinks

Your child’s appetite may be poor when she is ill, but make sure she gets plenty of fluids by offering her favorite drink.

Obesity is one of the most common nutritional problems among children in prosperous Western societies. Most plump children, however, are not medically overweight, and no special action is needed as long as they are healthy and active.

If you think your child is overweight – that is, markedly fatter than her friends – consult your doctor, who will be able to tell you if your child’s weight is above the normal range for her height.

The most common causes of overweight are a poor diet and lack of exercise. The best way to help the child is often for the whole family to adopt a healthier diet: less fat and sugar, more fresh fruit and vegetables, and more unrefined carbohydrates.

You should never aim to make your child actually lose weight; aim for her weight to remain stable while she grows in height. These guidelines may help:

• Bake, grill, and boil foods rather that roasting or frying
• Give water or diluted fruit juice when your child is thirsty. Never give sweetened drinks or soda
• Give whole-grain bread, raw vegetables, and fruit as snacks
• Whole-grain bread and pasta and brown rice are more filling than their refined equivalents
• Encourage your child to be active by playing lively games with her and her playmates
• Children 12-3 months old should drink 24 ounces of milk each day to meet their need for calcium. Low-fat or skim milk can be used over one year of age.

Most cases of suspected food allergy turn out to be no more than intolerance, or the combination of a fussy child and a fussy mother. A true food allergy is quite rare and occurs when the body’s immune system undergoes an exaggerated reaction to a protein or chemical it interprets as “foreign.” It is a protective mechanism, and symptoms can include headache, nausea, profuse vomiting, diarrhea, a rash, widespread red blotches on the skin, and swelling of the mouth, tongue, face, and eyes.

At first the allergy – the substance that causes the reaction – may produce only mild symptoms, but these may become more severe if the child is repeatedly exposed to the food concerned. Some foods that commonly cause allergic reactions are wheat, shellfish, strawberries, chocolate, eggs, and cows’ milk.

In the 1980s food allergies attracted a great deal of attention, and were blamed for behavioral disturbances in children, including hyperactivity. More recent studies have cast doubt on these claims: parents continued to report behavioral disturbance even when, unknown to them, the suspect food had been withdrawn from the child’s diet. In a very small number of cases it has been proven that food was responsible for the behavior, but in very many more cases bad behavior is a way of seeking attention, love, and affection from parents and others. I feel very strongly that too many parents have been willing to blame foods for behavioral problems rather than look to their own attitudes as a cause. Meanwhile, many children have been needlessly deprived of nutritious foods.

You should never attempt to isolate a food allergy on your own without medical advice, and never assume an allergy is present without a clear diagnosis from a pediatric allergist.