Baby Care

Everyone loves dressing a baby, and your friends and family will all want to buy clothes for your baby as soon as she is born. You are bound to take great pride in her appearance, and might wish to buy some dressy clothes for special occasions, but there’s no need to spend a lot of money – she will grow out of clothes very quickly. Remember that as far as your baby is concerned anything goes as long as it’s soft and comfortable to wear, and can be put on and taken off without too much disturbance.

Your baby will spit up and drool on her clothes, and there are bound to be accidents and leaks from diapers, so buy only machine washable, colorfast clothing, and avoid white – it quickly gets dirty, and frequent washing makes it drab.

Look for soft and comfortable clothes with no stiff seams or rough stitching. Toweling, cotton, or pure wool clothes will feel nicer on your baby’s skin. If you buy clothes made of artificial fibers, check that they feel soft. By law, sleepwear must be flame retardant. Look for special labeling and washing instructions before buying.

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Make sure your know how to handle heavy weights in a way that won’t strain your back.

Once you have a baby, there are many opportunities for putting a strain on your back. Your child requires constant lifting and carrying, and carriages, strollers, and other equipment must be shifted. It’s important you learn to lift without injury and strain. Keep your back straight, bend your knees, and, using the powerful thigh muscles to do all the work, lift. Never lift with your legs straight and your back curved forward.

With any luck your child won’t be averse to warmth and affection even after she’s reached adulthood, but cuddles do change and get more grown-up, and you have to give the kind of affection your child needs rather than the kind you want to give. So adapt your style to what gives her most comfort.

Preschool children need lots of hugs every day, especially congratulatory ones, as when they’ve mastered something like getting their shoes on the right feet. Comfort hugs are essential at the first sign of tears. A child responds much better to a hug than a reprimand. Therapeutic hugs reduce the pain of a vaccination, a bump, or a cut in seconds. Never let your child go to sleep without a huge hug and an “I love you.”

As your child gets older, hugs are transformed into other actions, but they have the same bolstering, encouraging effect. A hand on the shoulder, a caress, or talking your child’s hand is a sign of love and her sense of security and confidence will soar. Your child craves your love and approval; never leave her in any doubt that she has both.

Giving comfort

Many of your child’s troubles can be solved with a hug and a few sympathetic words from you.

It can be very difficult to handle rivalry between siblings and their constant conflicting demands on you. You can foster feelings of warmth rather than competitiveness if you encourage these feelings from the beginning. Many hospitals and parent groups offer “sibling preparation” classes that can help ease anxieties before a new baby arrives. When the baby comes home, ask your older child for help in caring for the baby. Even toddler can fetch diapers, hold bottles, or stroke, the baby’s hand. Always let the older child open presents for the baby, and be sure to have plenty of small presents stashed away for the older child.

By the age of three or four years your child will be much more independent, and you may assume that she needs fewer overt displays of affection. While this may be true, it would be a mistake, to think that she wants to go without any physical affection at all. You should pay special attention to boys, who are often expected to give up hugs and kisses at a very young age because it is not considered to be proper “masculine” behavior.

It is all too easy to lose the habit of showing affection, so make a resolution to hold and touch your child as often as you can every day, whether it’s letting her sit on your knee or putting an arm around her when you look at the paper, or giving her a kiss when you put her to bed. I always made it a rule to tell my children every day that I love them.

Older children can be self-conscious about being kissed or hugged in public, so be sensitive to this. Choose private moments when they can enjoy your care, attention, and love.

From a very early age some children stiffen their bodies and cry when you hold them. These usually grow up to be children who avoid physical contact – who turn away if you try to kiss them, for example, and make no physical advances themselves. Such children may never enjoy physical affection comfortably, and a parent may find this hard to cope with because it seems like rejection. If your child behaves in this way, don’t insist on cuddles that she clearly does not want. Give your physical affection only when she shows you that she wants it, and respect her wishes.

Older children will still occasionally want to sit on your lap. When they feel ill at ease in strange circumstances, they may even want to eat sitting on your knee, particularly if strangers are present and they feel that they are being watched. Let them do so if it is convenient; you will find that just a few moments of intimacy will give a child the confidence to handle any situation.

Bedtimes are particularly important times for showing affection. In my opinion, a child should never have to go to bed without some cuddling. A hug and a kiss will provide a sense of security and the conviction that you really do care. The rule is that you should always be there with a comforting arm and a kind word when your child is hurt, worried, puzzled, or frightened. Not all children require physical reassurance, so be prepared to provide comfort in the form that your child wants.

Never refuse your toddler a hug; although she needs less holding now than when she was a young baby, she will often ask to be carried like she used to be when she’s been out for a long walk or when she’s generally tired and cranky. She will frequently be clingy when she feels pain or discomfort, or if she is feeling unwell. You should always respond to her signals and should not hesitate to give her a hug for comfort and affection. Your child will make it clear to you when she has had enough reassurance – she will get down and run off to play. Babies who are given love and cuddles when they need and ask for them usually grow into independent and self-confident individuals.

The desire for physical affection remains with us always. Parents should never scoff at their children’s needs, and always respond. When my children were growing up, they liked a cuddle every now and then, especially when they were tired, had had a scolding from a teacher at school, if they were fearful about my departure or absence, or if the world simply didn’t feel right.

Experiments show that we handle baby boys quite differently from baby girls, and that we persist in this stereotyping even if we are merely fooled by, say, their wearing pink or blue clothes. When handling boys, we

• Speak, laugh, even shout out loudly, and grasp them firmly
• Swing them around so that they get used to lots of action and physical movement
• Encourage them to splash and kick in the bath
• Give them tough, hard toys and praise adventurousness, even naughtiness, with encouraging words or phrases
• Are efficient rather than tender when a boy scrapes his knee, discouraging shows of emotion and applauding independence

If you want your son to be more in touch with his gentler side, adjust your behavior to encourage greater gentleness.

According to research, we start preparing our girl babies from the day they are born to conform to a feminine sexual stereotype. When handling girls, we

• Coo, whisper, and smile gently, and cradle them softly

• Don’t handle them excitingly so they never know the sensation of flying through the air

• Make bathing times for girls much more sedate than for boys

• Give them soft, cuddly toys and discourage them from rough, dirty, or dangerous play

• Sympathize with slight injuries and make no attempts to stop them crying, so they grow up thinking shows of helplessness and emotion are all right

If you would like your daughter to grow up tough, independent, and self-assured, you should adjust your behavior and encourage her independence.