Opposite pairing This involves pairing a solitary child with a child who is outgoing and sociable. By being seen as the friend of a popular child, the less socially adept child will gain a significantly higher level of social acceptance in a short time – in some cases as little as three weeks.

Younger pairing Pairing a child with poor social skills with a younger child can be another way of conferring status. A study carried out in the 1980s showed that when unpopular children, their level of popularity increased by at least 50 percent. Younger playmates offer positive social experiences to less socially adept children, which helps build their self- esteem and assertiveness.

Clique activities Although it might seem bad for children to form small, exclusive groups within a large group, allowing them to socialize in their preferred clique motivates them to get along with their peers outside the clique. Clique- based activities give children a sense of security and confidence about all social relationships.

Small groups It is sometimes mistakenly assumed that a child with poor social skills will socialize more easily when surrounded by a big group. In fact, small groupings are better at facilitating friendships because in a large group a child with poor social skills can remain very much in the background; in small group, he can’t be ignored as easily. A nursery school teacher can help by placing such a child in small group – say three or four children – and then extending the size of the group gradually.

Star responsibility Establishing definite roles, such as giving the most popular children responsible tasks to do, appears to have a settling effect on all children of nursery-school age. Tasks could include giving out the straws for milk or organizing cleaning up. Children will less developed social skills appear to benefit from this strategy as much as other children.

The age at which children start kindergarten varies from community, but most children being at around age five. When making a decision about preschool and, if you have a choice, of kindergarten, try to narrow the choices to a manageable few and then make visits.

Prepare a checklist of important points so you do not forget any of them. For example, are the teachers relaxed or formal? Is it a happy environment? What is the standard of facilities? How many children are there, and are they well supervised? What subjects are taught? Does the school feel safe? Are the children happy?

Sit in on a few classes and spend a whole morning or afternoon there, and also speak to mothers whose children already attend. You will then have much of the information you need to decide.

Going to school: Starting school will be a great milestone for your child, and for you, too. You’ll both have to make adjustments: your child will discover a new and exciting world, and you will have to adjust to his newfound independence.

Options range from leaving the child with a relative or a hired caregiver in the child’s own home to having the child cared for along with a small group of children in someone else’s home or a larger group in a commercial day-care center.

For some children, day-care provides a transition from home to preschool. Under the best of circumstances, this is the case.

Determining if day-care is right for your child is a difficult issue. You must balance your child’s needs and readiness with your own needs and those of other family members.

Shyness is something that affects many children. Common types of shy behavior include disliking new experiences, social gathering, talking to unfamiliar people, and difficulty in making friends.

Sharing: Young children are naturally selfish and usually begin to think of others only when they’re taught to do so. Your child has to understand that other children feel as she does before she is able to grasp the importance of thinking of other people feelings. Do not worry if your child seems to be slow in learning to share; it is very difficult, but with your patience she will successfully acquire this skill.

Toys for sharing: Encourage cooperation with others by getting your child to complete a puzzle such as this one with a friend.

Don’t think of shyness as something wrong with your child; many well-adjusted adults are quite shy. The best way of dealing with it is not by criticism or forcing change, but by preparing your child for any situation she’s likely to find difficult. Excessive shyness does not mean that your child is retreated, and you should avoid becoming overprotective and overanxious. In most cases, time and patience are all that is needed.

4 years By the age of four, your child will take pride in you, quote things that you say, and boast about you to friends, although at home he’ll still resist your authority.

5 years The mother-child relationship is generally smoother by the age of five: the child likes to do things that you request, enjoys playing around you, and needs your presence, though not always your full attention. Children quite often express affection, such as: “I like you, Mommy,” and although they accept punishment from you, it may not have great impact on them. Boys may talk about marrying Mommy.

You still start to see evidence of her self- awareness as she takes step to command and control herself, showing that she can put herself in the position of others. You may overhear your child scolding herself with she thinks she has done something of which you would disapprove. She will begin to act out the part of the adults known to her, particularly you, often adopting phrases that you use regularly.

This will all become part of the process of her exploring and getting to know the way the world works and her own part in it. Now is the time to introduce her to the idea of a wider circle of people, teaching her to respect and be polite to them. Introduce her to visitors to the house- mail and other delivery people, window cleaner, et al.- as well as your own friends, and make meeting people part of her daily routine.

Make- believe play Your child will create a little world of her own as part of her imitation of adults. An instant tent or playhouse can be made by draping a blanket over a couple of chairs or a small table. Children love playing with cardboard boxes, so long as they are big enough to climb into. Small ones become boats and cars; piles of them turn into houses and castles. Boxes laid on their sides are tunnels, and laid end to end become trains.

Dressing up is favorite game at this age: a few simple props can transform your child into a doctor or firefighter. In her fantasy world, she is the adult and teddy bear or doll serves as child. It often surprised me who my sons thought were family.

Messy play Any play involving water, sand, mud, or dough will stretch your child’s intellect. Your child may build a wall in the sandbox that then becomes a castle, or she may simply enjoy playing with a bucket full of water and floating objects, which will keep popping up to the surface no matter how often she pushes them down. To make your supervision easier, set aside a time when messy play is allowed and a place where the mess can be contained and encourage your child to look forward to it.

Domestic play By now your child has mastered the coordination needed to help around the house. It’s play rather than work because she’s so eager to copy you. She helps in the kitchen by tearing lettuce leaves or arranging bread on a plate, and will enjoy setting the table, all of which improve manipulative and counting skills as well as independence and self- worth.

Musical play Any child with normal hearing can hear and enjoy musical sounds. She probably won’t be able to play melodies, but she may be able to hum them and will enjoy banging out a rhythm. Rattles, wooden clappers, trumpets, and drums are all very good for this purpose, as are old pans or baking tins and wooden spoons. A xylophone will enable her to identify musical sounds and experiment with high and low notes. It’s best not to buy a xylophone or other instrument until she’s shown interest over an extended period of time and then it’s worth investigating in a well-made one, which will be better for your child’s developing ear.

This makes her very attentive to you- her mother. Her view of gender roles will be influenced by your attitudes. If you:

• Regard yourself as equal to your partner, your daughter will see this as normal
• Treat other woman as close friends and confidantes, your daughter will see relationships with adult woman in this way
• See working as integral to family life, your daughter will view a career as compatible with having a family

Children are extremely sensitive to atmospheres within the home, so if you and your partner are going through a bed time, behave caringly and affectionately in front of your child and show that you have concern of each other.

Witnessing an argument is one of the most harmful experiences you can inflict on your child, so that thought should act as a deterrent.

On the other hand, I don’t believe in a united front between parents on every question. Your child should understand that it’s all right for Mom and Dad to have different opinions, as long as they are expressed without acrimony.

Children have to get used to conflict because they are going to meet it very quickly when they leave home. The best place for them to become familiar with it is in the security of their own home.

Most children will blame themselves for any conflict between their parents and will go to great lengths to make you friend again. Reassure your child that she is not to blame for any anger you feel toward your partner, and that you love her regardless.

A child, who goes to nursery school without a backward glance, says good-bye to her mother, and gets straight into play at the sandbox is rather unusual. Most children harbor fears of a strange place with strange people and separation from you. You will need to give your child the time and the opportunity to adjust to this rather frightening change in her life.

You can do much to alley your child’s fears by familiarizing her with the journey to school, the entrance to the school, her classroom, some of the children who will be in her class, her teacher, where the games are, and what some of the routines are. Most teachers will welcome your taking your child to the school several times before she starts so that she can feel comfortable in her new surroundings. Make the first visit as casual as possible. Stay for only a few minutes, so your child does not get bored or frightened and don’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to.

Making separation easy The first morning is likely to be difficult for both of you. You may have to stay with your child for the whole morning, but this shouldn’t happen more than once. Don’t forget that it is a great transition for her, so be patient. Many nursery schools will welcome your staying to give your child confidence. Once your child realizes you are not going to leave, she will be happy to get on with her classroom routines as long as you seat somewhere quietly and discreetly.

Maybe during the first morning, but certainly on the second, suggest that you are going out to buy a newspaper, but come back within five minutes, so your child is reassured. Don’t go if your child gets very distressed at the prospect of your leaving. Once she is happy, suggest that you leave again, this time for about half an hour, and come back in exactly the time you promised. Over the next few days, leave for longer and longer periods according to how your child reacts. You’ll find that in a short time you won’t need to stay at all. A confident child may want to be self-reliant and suggest that you leave long before you think she is capable of being separated from you. Sometimes a teacher will advise you when it’s time to go.

Starting nursery school Once your child is engrossed in some activity she may hardly even notice when you leave.